


The Many Obscure Romances of Danville

by Crazy_Pairing_Person



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Asexual Character, Concerned Monogram, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Established Relationship, Falling In Love, Fluff, Frenemies, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Meddling Friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-04-20 16:11:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4793957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazy_Pairing_Person/pseuds/Crazy_Pairing_Person
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not really a tourist attraction. When one visits a city and see some young couples sitting nearby, they don't consider the possibility that they could be step-siblings. They don't stop and wonder if the bully and nerd are just keeping their appearances by acting like they do, they don't think that they're actually being rather romantic behind closed doors. And they certainly don't wonder if that man holding a platypus in his arms is actually holding his nemesis-boyfriend.</p>
<p>Yeah, you don't think about those things if you visit a city. But if you're going to Danville, you probably should.</p>
<p>*A oneshot collection for my trio of OTPs for this show. With special appearances by Monogram, Carl, Candace, Isabella and whoever else works their way into a plot. Requests accepted!*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Perry/Doof 1: Monogram's Needless Panicking

His finger hovered uncertainly over the button. He needed to confront Agent P about this, he needed to know if this is all in his head. He knew that it wasn't at this point. Oh yes, there were agents who toed the line of frenemies with their nemesises, but Agent P and Doofenshmirtz basically took the line and threw it away when it came to them. He could have dealt with it if they just bounced back and forth between 'friends who fight' and 'enemies who care' but now that it looked like they'd started to lean closer to the former, but yet also away from it, he was starting to panic.

If his intuition was right, Agent P was starting to get small romantic feelings for Doofenshmirtz. Or, maybe it was the other way around, maybe Doofenshmirtz was getting small inklings of love for Agent P. Either way, it wouldn't end well - For them, for the agency, or even for Agent P's host family.

If Agent P fell too deeply into these feelings, he might start letting Doofenshmirtz get away with some of his schemes, or heaven forbid, he could go over to the  _evil side_. If that happened... Well, he was too intelligent and too good of a fighter. The agency would never be able to defeat him if he left good for evil. It would be OWCA's downfall.

And those boys... He knew Agent P loves those kids deeply, but if these romantic feelings were real, one of two things could happen. One, he could totally abandon the Flynn-Fletcher family, just to go over to the evil side for Doofenshmirtz. Or two, he could convince/trick them into joining the evil side with him. Agent P would be unstoppable, but those boys WITH Agent P? Potentially fatal.

Monogram sighed, steeling his nerve. If this turned out to be some ridiculous, blown-up, worst-case scenario that he'd managed to muddle up in his head, well, that was better than sitting back and letting it actually happen. Better safe than sorry, after all. Just when he was about to call for Agent P to get into his lair, he suddenly got a call on his phone.

"Hello?" he asked, hoping it was a wrong number because he  _really_ didn't want to talk to anyone right now.

"I want to be good. Help me be good!" came the whiny German accent that he knew could only belong to one person.

"Why? What sort of scheme do you have today?" Monogram asked, irritated because he  _really_  should have been talking to Agent P about his maybe-feelings for the very evil doctor he had on the phone right now.

"I don't have a scheme! I just want to be good!" came the indignant reply.

"Why do you want to be good?" he asked, in a borderline snappish tone.

"Because I said so!"

"I won't help you until you give me a valid reason!" he growled, already getting a headache from this conversation - Then again, maybe that was just the ridiculously whiny voice that this guy possessed.

There was a silence for a while. Just when Monogram was about to hang up, he heard Doofenshmirtz talk again - But in a much softer, more frightened tone than before.

"Because I can't be good enough for Perry the Platypus if I'm evil"

He leaned back in his office chair, unsure if he'd properly heard that.

For all his panicking earlier, he hadn't even considered that maybe Doofenshmirtz would turn good for Agent P, rather than he other way around.

He should have known, though. Agent P was firmly set in his law-abiding ways, while this 'evil' doctor's beliefs were set more in the mind of a rebllious teen, nothing really substantial, and he was easily persuaded as well.

"Come to the OWCA Headquarters. We can start you off with a mentor to help you get the evil flushed out of your system before we make you an official agent. I expect you to be dedicated to this, fully and completely, otherwise I will not hesitate to get you deported back to your weird German town"

"I'm going to pretend you didn't insult me and say okay! When can I meet my mentor?"

"Get over here in a half hour"

He hung up, blatantly ignoring Doofenshmirtz's whining about how he was all the way across town. He finally contacted Agent P to come into his lair. As soon as the semi-aquatic agent sat down, he gave him the new assignment.

"We have a new trainee coming today, in about a half hour. You'll be his mentor, so I expect you not to go easy on him"

The teal-colored mammal saluted, along with a chatter of agreement.

Monogram looked forward to seeing how Doofenshmirtz would handle his new teacher. He inwardly smirked to himself, already picturing the vigorous exercises that Agent P would no doubt put him through.

"Carl, how much do you want to bet that Agent P puts him in the hospital in less than twenty-four hours?"


	2. Phineas/Ferb 1: Desire, or Lack Thereof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phineas begins to worry that there's something wrong with him. Not because he's in love with his step-brother, because he's long since accepted that, but because of what he DOESN'T want to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you're wondering, unless the oneshot is a request, I come up with a couple of ideas for each of the pairings, then put them in a generator and let fate decide.
> 
> Requests though are first come, first serve, and they also take priority.
> 
> And I will not count it if you just give me a pairing. Other people can do that, sure, but I need a bit more! I want something legit, a base IDEA of what you want it to be! I just need to make that clear, okay guys?
> 
> Also they should mostly take place when the kids are at least 15 years old or older.
> 
> Also asexual/panromantic Phineas is one of my headcanons. Another one is trans!male! Doofenshmirtz.

Phineas sat out under the tree, numbly staring at the book he held but not really processing the words on the page.

 _'It... It can't be right. I **love** him, so shouldn't I want to do those things with_ him?'

"Phin?"

The redhead jolted as he felt his  _lover_  jab him in the side, successfully getting him to come out of his thoughts. He looked up, reluctantly facing Ferb and seeing how concerned he seemed to be getting.

"Phineas, are you okay? You look upset"

Phineas only shook his head, dropping the book on the grass carelessly as he pulled his knees up to his chest.

Ferb didn't say anything, just watched him carefully. He wasn't going to force Phineas to tell him what was wrong, but he sure as hell wasn't going to let him suffer in silence either.

Meanwhile, Phineas was wrestling with his own internal battle, and he knew that he could just tell Ferb, and he might come up with a solution for it. But at the same time, Ferb would look at him like he was broken, or some sort of freak, and that was just something he couldn't deal with.

Judging by that look on his face though, telling Ferb was his only option.

"I need help Ferb. I just finally stopped feeling like a freak for... You know" he said, making a small gesture to point between them. Ferb nodded, a sign that he understood, though his face still contorted in concern and worry.

"But now... Now I just don't know. I seriously feel like there's something wrong with me. I mean..."

Ferb reached over and squeezed Phineas's hand, reminding him that he was there, that he loved his little fiery redhead and he would help him with whatever he needed if only he asked.

Phineas on the other hand, looked down at their entwined hands. That was fine, it was sweet and chaste and he didn't care. For a moment, Phineas wondered if he'd been worried about nothing. But then he recalled how sickened he'd felt last night as Ferb tried to initiate something beyond innocent kissing. He had felt absolutely sick to his stomach, and he didn't allow Ferb to even try to remove his shirt. And though Ferb had taken the hint and moved away, he dreaded the next time that it would happen.

With that in mind, the next words he said just flowed from his mouth with no permission from his brain.

"I should want to do sexual things with the one I love. I love you, so why don't I..."

He trailed off there, closing his eyes as tears started to come from his eyes. He sat there shaking in silence, soft whimpers escaping his lips as he awaited Ferb's reply.

Suddenly, he felt the all-too familiar hands gently wiping away the tears, and he slowly opened them, hesitantly looking up. Ferb had a small, comforting smile on his face as he gently carressed Phineas's face.

"Honestly, Phin. You had me worried"

Before the redhead could even reply, Ferb stood up and held out his hand.  _Come with me,_ said the silent message. Phineas nodded and took the offered hand. He allowed the Brit to lead him upstairs to their room. Ferb made Phineas sit down in a chair near the desk, while he sat in front of their laptop.

Phineas watched in confusion and a bit of apprehension as Ferb typed 'asexuality' into the search bar, then clicked a link and turned the screen over to face the bewildered redhead.

"We're not leaving until you read this entire article"

So Phineas read the article, understanding beginning to grow in him as he read more and more.

He was not  _broken._

He did not need a doctor or a therapist,

And he most certainly did not love Ferb any less simply because he didn't want to... Ahem, you know.

By the end, Phineas was in stunned silence. He slowly turned to face the green-haired teen, who was watching him with a kind, loving gaze.

"Thank you" Phineas said, the words tumbling from his lips without a second thought. Ferb smiled.

"I couldn't let the most amazing person in the world think they were broken, could I?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I'm sorry if there are any asexual people or any others who believe I've over-dramatized Phineas's mental debate. I tried to make it clear that Phineas himself is a sex-repulsed ace (in my mind) but I still probably made it too big of a deal, so feel free to point it out if that's the case. I'll do my best to fix whatever you think needs fixing.
> 
> 2) If you even try to tell me asexuality is not a thing, or any variation of that, I will ignore you and most likely block you/report your comment.
> 
> 3) By that comment up there *points up at the beginning of this end note* I mean that yes, there are different variations of asexuality. There are aces who will have sex with their partner to please said partner, or for conception, and some aces who even have sexual attraction. Or like Phineas here, there are the completely sex-repulsed aces. Please do research on this because I know still have much to learn on this subject. ;) Cheers!
> 
> 4) I also think Phineas would be the type to make endless asexual puns/jokes. You can FIGHT me on that.


	3. Phineas/Ferb 2: Interrupted Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two unexpected guests show up to Phineas and Ferb's wedding.

Ferb licked his lips, glanced at the house. He was getting antsy. They were supposed to start half an hour ago. What was going on? How had Candace not thrown a hissy fit over the late start time?

Candace, as if on cue at that thought, poked her head into the backyard from inside. "Uh, guys... We have a situation here."

She looked nervous instead of angry or upset. That only got everyone else, including Ferb, getting worried as well. Whatever the situation was, it wasn't visible through the glass door. He opened his mouth, about to ask, but Candace opened the door, answering the question he was about to ask.

She ushered them out... And there stood the ten-year-old, oh-so-confused, Phineas Flynn and Ferb Fletcher. The boys smiled sheepishly, seeming almost embarrassed that they'd intruded on the event.

The guests all whispered among themselves, especially their mom and dad. Ferb sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Find them some seats. We'll deal with them after the ceremony."

Candace nodded slowly. She brought out two chairs from inside, unfortunately ruining the perfect symmetry of the yard. Ferb was sure that she was internally screaming.

Well, this felt a lot more awkward now, with their younger selves watching. Ferb briefly considered calling the whole thing off, but then Phineas was there and he looked just as scared as him, but he wasn't saying anything so maybe it was fine?

Ferb glanced over at the kids from the corner of his eye. They blinked, both realizing who exactly the wedding was for. They didn't look too disturbed, not too upset.

Maybe if they had realized their feelings back then, it would have been easier. Children took things so much easier than teenagers and adults did.

"This is so weird," Phineas whispered, getting Ferb's attention. "I don't even - why are they  _here_?"

Ferb shrugged, gently squeezing Phineas's hand in an attempt to calm him down. "We'll find out once the ceremony is over."

They managed to get through the ceremony without any problems, with their child-selves being silent through the kiss and even  _grinning_ when they were introduced as Phineas and Ferb Flynn. It calmed Ferb's nerves, to say the least.

The other guests all gathered in the house, ready to get at the banquet that Candace and Linda had set up. It left Phineas and Ferb alone with their younger selves. The younger Phineas hopped out of his chair, followed closely by Ferb as they went up to their older selves.

"So," the young Phineas said, staring up at them with wide eyes, "marriage. I mean, not real marriage, I guess, since, you know... Yeah. That thing. Which I'm guessing you don't wanna hear about. But, uh..." He stuttered all over himself, cheeks flushing a bright pink while his older self, and both versions of Ferb staring in amusement. "Just, uh, how'd you get this all...?"

"Candace helped," Phineas said, smiling, clearly more relaxed.

Young Phineas nodded, glancing off to the side. "Right. So, I won't ask how, you know, it happened or whatever. I just, uh, our wood-and-steel fusing tool broke, so..."

Ferb chuckled. "We have one in the garage. Go ahead and help yourself."

Young Phineas took that, grabbing his Ferb's wrist and pulling him away. The newly wedded couple sighed, relaxing completely.

"Out of all the things Candace thought would go wrong, I don't think that was included," Ferb commented with a chuckle. "Or, you know, maybe it was. Her list was pretty thorough."

"At least there was no moose stampede or alien invasion." Phineas grinned, eyes twinkling at his own little joke. "C'mon. I'm starving, and hopefully they're not coming back."


	4. Phineas/Ferb 3 and Perry/Doof 2: Therapeutic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's therapeutic for Phineas to talk to Perry. It's therapeutic for Perry to listen to someone else's romance problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Personally I like to think that most of these are just out of order, but they're connected. Or, you know, in the same timeline at least.
> 
> So this comes before Phineas figuring out he's ace, but after Monogram's brief freak out in the first chapter.

Phineas mindlessly stroked his fingers through Perry's fur, giving a deep sigh. Perry chattered, prompting Phineas to come from his thoughts and finally pay attention to what he was doing. "Oh, hey Perry. Didn't see you there."

Phineas looked over at the other bed in the room. "I must be really twisted, Perry. Think I could build a machine to fix how I feel?"

Perry chattered. Phineas took it as a no. He sighed again.

"He's my brother," he said. "I mean, step-brother. But if I say step-brother, it just sounds like, you know, I'm trying to make it  _okay_ , but it's  _not_." His shoulders slumped. "Ugh. I'm so messed up."

Perry chattered, and Phineas couldn't help but hope he was saying 'No you're not'. "Thanks, buddy..."

It was nice to get it out for once. There was no one Phineas could talk to. No one who wouldn't judge him for his feelings.

That in mind, Phineas rambled on and on, going from how gross he felt to how long he'd felt this way, from what his family and friends might say to fantasizing about dates they could go on. It went on until his mom called him for dinner. He looked out the window. He'd talked to Perry for nearly three hours. He set Perry to the side, giving him a smile.

"Thanks for listening."

Perry chattered, watching Phineas leave. Once he was gone, he slipped his hat on, a soft smile on his beak.

Phineas had put a lot of things into perspective for him. He had no one to worry about except Monogram and Carl, and they... They seemed to have already accepted his feelings, far before he had figured them out himself.

He entered one of his many secret entrances, planning to go see his mentoree for a surprise visit.


	5. Phineas/Ferb 4: Telling Candace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's scary, but they know they can't keep up the secret on their own.

It's easy for them to narrow down who to tell first.

Their friends, as much as they trust and love them, are too unpredictable. Buford's too much of a bully, still, and Baljeet would crack if someone knew he even had a  _hint_ of a secret, and Isabella...

They agreed to save Isabella for last, needless to say.

And their parents, they agreed to save them for second. But they wouldn't be telling them for a long, long while.

Now, they're telling Candace.

Their parents are out grocery shopping. It's a pleasantly cool summer day. They've decided to set aside this day to tell her specifically because it's so nice that they won't be able to do anything else. Phineas takes the initiative. And by that, I mean that he clears his throat, announcing their presence to Candace in the kitchen.

"Oh! I didn't notice you guys standing there." She goes back to texting her friends without any other words.

After a minute, Phineas violently coughs, hoping that that will hint that they have something to say.

"Do you need a cough drop or something?" Candace looks up from her phone, visibly confused.

"Uh... No," Phineas says lamely. "But I had something... W-we had something to tell you."

Candace sits up in her chair, finally sensing that they're both nervous. She sets aside her phone. "What is it?"

Phineas looks helplessly at Ferb, but he knows he'll be doing all the talking. He sighs and looks back at Candace. "Listen, while you were away at college... Something happened."

Candace raises an eyebrow. "Guys, what did you do and what did you do it  _to_?"

"We're dating," Phineas blurts, louder than is strictly necessary. He flinches violently at the volume, as do Candace and Ferb.

"Go on, Phineas, I don't think they heard you in China," Ferb says flatly, making Phineas blush a bright red.

"Sorry..."

Candace groans, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Guys... Is this a joke? Some machine or a dare or something?"

"N-no!" Phineas is genuinely offended. "And what kind of machine- Why would you even say that?!"

Ferb chuckles softly at Phineas's expression, gently patting his shoulder.

"Just trying to cover all my bases, here," Candace says, "before I actually react." She looks, stares at them for a minute, and then sighs. "I... I can't say I'm mad or anything. Or surprised. I always knew Phineas would end up with Isabella or Ferb. That was... Mostly a joke, but, well..." She gives a dry laugh. "A-anyway. Um. I'm assuming that I'm the first person you're telling?"

They both nod. Candace sighs.

"Fine. Until I go back to college, I can, uh, cover for you. If you wanna go on dates and stuff."

Phineas relaxes, and so does Ferb. "Th-thanks. You're taking this better than we thought."

Candace waves a hand. "Don't worry about it. Just, don't make out in front of me or whatever."

Phineas lets out a high-pitched squawk and covers his face, hiding the bright blush on his cheeks. "N-no problem," he says, swatting at his boyfriend when he hears his snickering.


	6. Buford/Baljeet 1: Art

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buford draws a picture. It's one of his favorites.

Baljeet always loved Buford's artwork. While one of the skills that Buford preferred to keep under wraps, Baljeet was one of the precious few who knew about it and was even, usually, the first person Buford would show new pieces to.

Baljeet noticed, out of the corner of his eye, that Buford was sketching. Must have been an important drawing - he usually never did artwork in the park, or any other public space.

He leaned close, hoping to see the picture - but that only earned him a knock upside the head. "Ow!"

"No peeking," Buford said, pulling the sketchbook close to him. His eyes narrowed at the page for a moment, seeming displeased. He stood up. "I gotta go find a mirror."

A mirror? A self-portrait, then? "I have one in my backpack," Baljeet offered.

"Not even gonna ask."

Baljeet happily passed Buford the small mirror - which he'd originally planned on doing experiments with. He went back to reading his book, occasionally looking over to see Buford continuing his drawing.

Eventually, Buford stood. "I'm going home."

Baljeet pouted a little, but he understood. "Done with the sketch?" he guessed. Buford nodded, and Baljeet was silent as he watched him go.

When Buford was far enough away from Baljeet, he peeked at the sketch once more.

He'd managed, using the mirror, to draw a picture of Baljeet kissing him. It wasn't entirely anatomically correct, and it still had the rough edges and guide lines of a sketch, but he was proud of it. He grinned and held it close to himself.

This one, he'd keep to himself.


End file.
